August 31, 2014
My kids and some of my friends have been trying to talk me into attending the Burning Man arts/self-expression/counter-culture festival for years. They say I would like the art and other creativity there. I’m sure they’re right, but I’ve been reluctant to go for fear I would witness predatory behavior by others toward the innocent or the compromised. I’ve already seen too much of that. And, I didn’t want to spend that much money on the possibility it would be worth it.
But then a person in the Burning Man corporate structure offered us free admission because Jacci featured the event in one of her books, “Bending Willow.” So we decided to go. I took time off work, bought 2 bikes, a shade structure and lots of other supplies — and off we went.
Because we were being admitted on VIP credentials (sounds fun, doesn’t it?), we were instructed to stop at the Burning Man office in Gerlach instead of joining the long and dusty que to will-call on the playa. When we announced ourselves at the office, we were informed we weren’t “on the list.” We explained the the situation and offered to show the office staff all of the emails that went between Jacci and the official who offered us free admission. The office manager contacted officials on the playa about us and we settled in to wait for the problem to be resolved. After waiting 3 hours, 5:00 PM arrived and the office manager announced she was closing the office. When she saw our deer-in-headlights look, she told us she was headed out to the playa and would find our sponsor, who would straighten out the mess – and we could come back in the morning. So, we drove down the highway a few miles, parked behind some trees off the roadside, and spent a nervous night camping illegally.
We returned the next morning confident we would finally be admitted. But we were told we would not be admitted because this person had not followed up on his promises by attending to protocol. There at the office, we joined others who were also “not on the list” after being offered admission by that same official. We found out too late this guy is known for making gestures and then not delivering.
So we returned home, tired, sad, disappointed, and feeling really burned by someone who was living it up out on the playa, unaware of the heartache and expense his flakiness had caused. I was feeling really angry. As we made the long drive home, I mentally composed the email I would send him itemizing the nearly $2,000 it cost us to accept his offer of free admission – with the time off work, and all the equipment and supplies.
But then my faith values started nagging at me. Forgive; Do not return evil for evil; Be generous with those who take from you; Return love for injustice; Have faith in God’s love and purposes for you. But I was mad, and besides, shouldn’t this guy KNOW – be informed – about what his flakiness did to us? Maybe he would be more careful in the future and I could prevent someone else from being hurt like we were. I wanted so badly to justify sending that polite email that would still invoke plenty of guilt.
In church this morning we talked about trusting God’s love with everything. For me, that meant trusting him with my rights, my pain, my indignation, the time I lost, the money spent, and with a man who is very fallible — just like me. Church was good for me this morning because I let go and found peace where there was turmoil. I let go and found forgiveness where there was a desire for revenge. I let go and found peace in the present where there was regret and bitterness over a missed opportunity in the past. Jesus said,
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)
You know, a rested soul feels pretty good.